"Hold on!" Doctor Liz whacked a red button on
the console, causing the entire TARDIS to turn ninety degrees. As Margaret flew
to the opposite wall, shrieking with laughter, Doctor Liz added, "We must break
free of this coded magnetizer laser, before it pulls us out of the time vortex!"
She yanked a lever next to the button and the ship began to turn loop-the-loops.
"Whee!" shouted Margaret as she floated past Doctor Liz's head. "Look, Doctor
Liz! It's a Margaret-birdy-plane! Whee! Super Margaret to the rescue!"
"Oh no!" cried Doctor Liz, holding tight to the control console to keep from
floating away. "We've lost the gravitational magnetizer thing-a-mahooti!" She
whacked the red button again and Margaret fell like a rock.
"Yeah!" yelled Margaret. She climbed off the couch she had been dumped into.
"Can we do it again?"
"Margaret, this is serious. Two magnetizers in one story is hardly a
coincidence."
"Ooo! I like magnetizers! I asked Mommy and she said I could have one for
Christmas so I can shoot bad cowboys if my six shooter is broken, and I’ll ride
my horse around and hold my hat and yell, 'Pshoo, pshooo…'"
The TARDIS shook and jumped in impact, knocking both occupants to the floor and
momentarily silencing the red-headed, slightly-talkative five-year-old.
"We’ve landed." Doctor Liz helped Margaret up.
"I like land! Can I go outside and play, Doctor Liz? I like it outside! It’s
bigger than inside and it’s brighter, except when it’s dark!"
Doctor Liz frowned in thought. "Not now, Margaret. The scanner isn’t making any
sense. According to the image, we’re on a planet made of ice cream and
chocolate. But how could that be?"
Margaret pushed down a blue lever. The huge doors on the other side of the room
opened. "I’m going outside." She skipped to the door, singing. "It’s bright and
sunny except when it’s dark and there’s flowers and…Doctor Liz! Doctor Liz!
We’re in a refrigerator!"
Doctor Liz hurried to the door. "No, Margaret. But how could there be? There
really is ice cream and chocolate!" She shook her head. "Maybe I’m dreaming."
Margaret grabbed her hand. "A fairy castle! Look! It’s pretty and pink and made
of something glittery! Oooh. I want one for Christmas!"
"It’s sugar, actually."
"Can we go? I want to see the fairy!"
"Yes. I would like to check it out. But first…" Doctor Liz took a thin, silver
object from one of her many pockets. "We may need to defend ourselves."
"Oooh! I want one of those for Christmas, too!"
They started toward the sugary pink castle in a fast walk, ice cream coating
their shoes. Doctor Liz looked up and saw blue cotton candy clouds in a whipped
cream sky and a bright, yellow sucker above them. "It’s my sonic screwdriver,
but I’m hoping anything that might attack won’t know that. This is the strangest
place I’ve ever seen. Why, the dirt itself is ground-up chocolate! Who would
take the time to make all this?"
They reached the drawbridge, which was a golden brown. Doctor Liz leaned down
and rubbed it with her finger. "Dried molasses!"
"Like I have on my pancakes, with butter and sugar and a glass of milk and
cereal and oatmeal when I don’t have pancakes and orange juice and pizza when
it’s leftovers…"
"Yes, yes," Doctor Liz said quickly before Margaret informed her of every kind
of food she had ever consumed. She scooped some of the moat in her hands and
tasted it. "7-Up."
"I like Pepsi better than 7-Up…"
"But you don’t have to drink it. Let’s go." They crossed the bridge and together
pushed open the heavy door. It was made of a sweet the Doctor did not recognize.
Doctor Liz stepped in quietly, with Margaret right behind her.
"Hello?" the Doctor’s voice echoed throughout the pitch-dark room. For a moment,
there was no reply. Then…
"Muahahaha…hahaha…haha…" The lights came on suddenly, causing Doctor Liz to
squint. She blinked her eyes, rubbed them, and looked at the very person she
hadn’t wanted to see. She gasped. "You! The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who
Grasps the Jello!"
"Yes, and now that I have drawn you here with my Coding Crypto Encoder
Magnetizer, I can continue my plot to take over the universe! You will serve me
and polish my shoes! Muahaha!" the tall, three-toothed man cried triumphantly.
"Another magnetizer!" Doctor Liz whispered to Margaret. Then in disgust, she
added aloud, "You always were a megalomaniac, you, Haunted Terrible Whisperer
Who Grasps the Jello!"
Margaret skipped from behind the Doctor. "What’s meggellomaygniack, Doctor Liz?"
"AAAAACK!" The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello jumped onto a
table. "A child! I can’t stand children! Mecharig! Be rid of her!"
A silver android, which looked vaguely humanoid if you didn't look too hard,
shrugged.
"I’ve got Godiva chocolates," added The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps
the Jello.
The silver android let out a cry of joy and started forward, but suddenly fell
flat on its face. With one twitch, it shoved itself upright again.
"You did not create it with feet, The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the
Jello!" Doctor Liz laughed.
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello shook with rage. "By stating
the obvious, you have ruined all my plans and plots! Mecharig!"
The android stood at attention, looking hopefully at the box of chocolates at
its master’s feet.
"Release the shape-shifting android squirrels that can emit electrical bursts
and devour human flesh!"
Margaret started jumping up and down excitedly. "Ooo! I like squirrels! They’re
furry and they eat nuts, and I have a video with a squirrel on it, and they talk
and have big feet and they swim and build dams out of logs…"
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello covered his ears. "I can’t
stand the confusion! Hurry up with releasing the shape-shifting android…oh,
whatever! Just release them!"
The android slammed its fist on a button by a large, metal door, effectively
smashing it permanently into the wall. The large door slid open, releasing a
thick, glowing red fog as well as a horde of short, furry creatures. They rushed
out of the doorway, chattering noisily and looking around for something to
attack.
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello laughed evilly. "Muahahaha!...huh?"
The squirrels, instead of attacking Doctor Liz and Margaret, sat down, waiting
for orders.
Now it was Doctor Liz’s turn to laugh. "You forget, The Haunted Terrible
Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello! We're dolls! We aren’t made of flesh! We're made
of vinyl!"
"NOOOO!" screamed The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello. "WAAAHHH!
All my plans are ruined! All my money down the drain! I’m in debt up to my
eyeballs!"
"Just like Stanley Johnson in the commercial," Margaret exclaimed.
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello turned desperately to Doctor
Liz. "What should I do?"
"I suggest," Doctor Liz replied. "You use the resources of this planet and your
androids to open a huge candy factory. With the business you'd get from
neighboring planets, you'd be paid back within ten years…as opposed to the two
hundred years it would take if you tried it your way."
"Yeah! Candy! I like candy! Mommy says I can have candy for breakfast with my
pancakes and pizza and..."
"Yes! Yes!" shouted The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello (who
really hasn't whispered once throughout the whole story). "Then, I can go back
to my main goal: The Ultimate Conquest of The Universe! Muahahaha!"
Doctor Liz crossed her arms. "No. You will continue to sell candy."
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello sighed. "Fine."
"And, you will reprogram your squirrels and sell them as pets. Android animals
are hypoallergenic because they have no fur."
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello pouted, but agreed.
"Good!" said Doctor Liz. "Come along, Margaret. Our job is done here." She
started for the door with Margaret running up behind asking, "But Doctor Liz!
What about the magnetizers!"
Da-da-da-dum....
UNTIL NEXT TIME...
=============
Biography:
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello: This burnt-out, dangerous
thinker is driven by megalomania. He employs cybernetics in his plots, commonly
improving his own mind with technology to achieve his goals. He hates children,
but loves candy...so anything is possible.