"Hold on!" Doctor Liz whacked a red button on
the console, causing the entire TARDIS to turn ninety degrees. As Margaret flew
to the opposite wall, shrieking with laughter, Doctor Liz added, "We must break
free of this coded magnetizer laser, before it pulls us out of the time vortex!"
She yanked a lever next to the button and the ship began to turn loop-the-loops.
"Whee!" shouted Margaret as she floated past Doctor Liz's head. "Look, Doctor Liz! It's a Margaret-birdy-plane! Whee! Super Margaret to the rescue!"
"Oh no!" cried Doctor Liz, holding tight to the control console to keep from floating away. "We've lost the gravitational magnetizer thing-a-mahooti!" She whacked the red button again and Margaret fell like a rock.
"Yeah!" yelled Margaret. She climbed off the couch she had been dumped into. "Can we do it again?"
"Margaret, this is serious. Two magnetizers in one story is hardly a coincidence."
"Ooo! I like magnetizers! I asked Mommy and she said I could have one for Christmas so I can shoot bad cowboys if my six shooter is broken, and Iíll ride my horse around and hold my hat and yell, 'Pshoo, pshoooÖ'"
The TARDIS shook and jumped in impact, knocking both occupants to the floor and momentarily silencing the red-headed, slightly-talkative five-year-old.
"Weíve landed." Doctor Liz helped Margaret up.
"I like land! Can I go outside and play, Doctor Liz? I like it outside! Itís bigger than inside and itís brighter, except when itís dark!"
Doctor Liz frowned in thought. "Not now, Margaret. The scanner isnít making any sense. According to the image, weíre on a planet made of ice cream and chocolate. But how could that be?"
Margaret pushed down a blue lever. The huge doors on the other side of the room opened. "Iím going outside." She skipped to the door, singing. "Itís bright and sunny except when itís dark and thereís flowers andÖDoctor Liz! Doctor Liz! Weíre in a refrigerator!"
Doctor Liz hurried to the door. "No, Margaret. But how could there be? There really is ice cream and chocolate!" She shook her head. "Maybe Iím dreaming."
Margaret grabbed her hand. "A fairy castle! Look! Itís pretty and pink and made of something glittery! Oooh. I want one for Christmas!"
"Itís sugar, actually."
"Can we go? I want to see the fairy!"
"Yes. I would like to check it out. But firstÖ" Doctor Liz took a thin, silver object from one of her many pockets. "We may need to defend ourselves."
"Oooh! I want one of those for Christmas, too!"
They started toward the sugary pink castle in a fast walk, ice cream coating their shoes. Doctor Liz looked up and saw blue cotton candy clouds in a whipped cream sky and a bright, yellow sucker above them. "Itís my sonic screwdriver, but Iím hoping anything that might attack wonít know that. This is the strangest place Iíve ever seen. Why, the dirt itself is ground-up chocolate! Who would take the time to make all this?"
They reached the drawbridge, which was a golden brown. Doctor Liz leaned down and rubbed it with her finger. "Dried molasses!"
"Like I have on my pancakes, with butter and sugar and a glass of milk and cereal and oatmeal when I donít have pancakes and orange juice and pizza when itís leftoversÖ"
"Yes, yes," Doctor Liz said quickly before Margaret informed her of every kind of food she had ever consumed. She scooped some of the moat in her hands and tasted it. "7-Up."
"I like Pepsi better than 7-UpÖ"
"But you donít have to drink it. Letís go." They crossed the bridge and together pushed open the heavy door. It was made of a sweet the Doctor did not recognize. Doctor Liz stepped in quietly, with Margaret right behind her.
"Hello?" the Doctorís voice echoed throughout the pitch-dark room. For a moment, there was no reply. ThenÖ
"MuahahahaÖhahahaÖhahaÖ" The lights came on suddenly, causing Doctor Liz to squint. She blinked her eyes, rubbed them, and looked at the very person she hadnít wanted to see. She gasped. "You! The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello!"
"Yes, and now that I have drawn you here with my Coding Crypto Encoder Magnetizer, I can continue my plot to take over the universe! You will serve me and polish my shoes! Muahaha!" the tall, three-toothed man cried triumphantly.
"Another magnetizer!" Doctor Liz whispered to Margaret. Then in disgust, she added aloud, "You always were a megalomaniac, you, Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello!"
Margaret skipped from behind the Doctor. "Whatís meggellomaygniack, Doctor Liz?"
"AAAAACK!" The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello jumped onto a table. "A child! I canít stand children! Mecharig! Be rid of her!"
A silver android, which looked vaguely humanoid if you didn't look too hard, shrugged.
"Iíve got Godiva chocolates," added The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello.
The silver android let out a cry of joy and started forward, but suddenly fell flat on its face. With one twitch, it shoved itself upright again.
"You did not create it with feet, The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello!" Doctor Liz laughed.
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello shook with rage. "By stating the obvious, you have ruined all my plans and plots! Mecharig!"
The android stood at attention, looking hopefully at the box of chocolates at its masterís feet.
"Release the shape-shifting android squirrels that can emit electrical bursts and devour human flesh!"
Margaret started jumping up and down excitedly. "Ooo! I like squirrels! Theyíre furry and they eat nuts, and I have a video with a squirrel on it, and they talk and have big feet and they swim and build dams out of logsÖ"
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello covered his ears. "I canít stand the confusion! Hurry up with releasing the shape-shifting androidÖoh, whatever! Just release them!"
The android slammed its fist on a button by a large, metal door, effectively smashing it permanently into the wall. The large door slid open, releasing a thick, glowing red fog as well as a horde of short, furry creatures. They rushed out of the doorway, chattering noisily and looking around for something to attack.
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello laughed evilly. "Muahahaha!...huh?"
The squirrels, instead of attacking Doctor Liz and Margaret, sat down, waiting for orders.
Now it was Doctor Lizís turn to laugh. "You forget, The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello! We're dolls! We arenít made of flesh! We're made of vinyl!"
"NOOOO!" screamed The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello. "WAAAHHH! All my plans are ruined! All my money down the drain! Iím in debt up to my eyeballs!"
"Just like Stanley Johnson in the commercial," Margaret exclaimed.
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello turned desperately to Doctor Liz. "What should I do?"
"I suggest," Doctor Liz replied. "You use the resources of this planet and your androids to open a huge candy factory. With the business you'd get from neighboring planets, you'd be paid back within ten yearsÖas opposed to the two hundred years it would take if you tried it your way."
"Yeah! Candy! I like candy! Mommy says I can have candy for breakfast with my pancakes and pizza and..."
"Yes! Yes!" shouted The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello (who really hasn't whispered once throughout the whole story). "Then, I can go back to my main goal: The Ultimate Conquest of The Universe! Muahahaha!"
Doctor Liz crossed her arms. "No. You will continue to sell candy."
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello sighed. "Fine."
"And, you will reprogram your squirrels and sell them as pets. Android animals are hypoallergenic because they have no fur."
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello pouted, but agreed.
"Good!" said Doctor Liz. "Come along, Margaret. Our job is done here." She started for the door with Margaret running up behind asking, "But Doctor Liz! What about the magnetizers!"
UNTIL NEXT TIME...
The Haunted Terrible Whisperer Who Grasps the Jello: This burnt-out, dangerous thinker is driven by megalomania. He employs cybernetics in his plots, commonly improving his own mind with technology to achieve his goals. He hates children, but loves candy...so anything is possible.
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